Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
