yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
