The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
