I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
