she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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