I feel like abortions should bother me more
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
