Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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