69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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