Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
