Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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