So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
