I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
