My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
