her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
