I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
