Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
