I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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