: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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