hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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