I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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