census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
