you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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