I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize