somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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