Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
