Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
