she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you win again, gameday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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