I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
