oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
