I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
