dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
