Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
