Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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