Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
