Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
