did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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