end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
