Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
