don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
