No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
