um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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