u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
