Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
