In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
