hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
