I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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