Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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