I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
