America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
