It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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