They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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