Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize