We're like a lot better than the average bears
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize