it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
