why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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