Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize