Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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