Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
