i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
