Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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