So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
